1. “Don’t tell anyone we’re doing this.”

If you’re having sex with someone and you feel the need to blurt this line out, maybe you should re-think the hookup situation. I mean, if you are that ashamed of your choice in bedroom partner you have serious issues. Also, way to make the person you’re boning feel like a complete and utter waste of time.

2. “What’s your age, again?”

If there is any chance at all that you could be sex dating a minor, you have way bigger issues on your head. Also, if you didn’t find some sort of clever way to clarify their age before you entered/were entered by them then you made a huge mistake. If you aren’t sure, check IDs. If you REALLY aren’t sure, find someone older, bro.

3. “Can you go shower?”

First of all this is rude. Second of all if you are already half way through a hookup and then you suggest your partner clean their private parts, that doesn’t look good on you either. You were hooking up with a dirty person. Also, you will definitely come across as someone with a severe case of OCD. When you’re horny and want to “smush” as the kids call it these days, the last thing on your mind should be cleanliness.

4. “Have you been tested recently?”

There is nothing wrong with asking this question. In fact, making sure that your partner has no STDs is important. However, if you are using this question as a substitute for actually using protection, you are an idiot. Always wear a condom no matter what. End of story.

5. “I think I’m in love.”

Go ahead, say this. You’ll scare your sex partner away faster than Angelina Jolie can say yes to adopting another baby. If you are saying it to a long term boyfriend or girlfriend, you will have no problem, obviously. If you say it to a random hookup prematurely (which is very possible and happens all of the time) you are screwed – not in a good way.

 

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